Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Gotcha.... this ain't a thread dedicated to Backstreet Boyz. Its more like truth is always something that we being human do not like to accept. Particularly if its about yourself. Truth often hurts. Wonder why. Most of the time we are being taught that telling the truth and being truthful is the way of life. Recent episode taught me otherwise. I choose to be the way I am and is still the same even though some of the principles I hold so staunchly previously is being proven otherwise. Maybe I am a bit shaken mentally due to the aftermath. Kinda like unable to accept the truth that everything is over.
Maybe I need to visit a Shrink (think its a slang that Americans like to use to call Psychiatrist). Being able to let go is really a blessing. Being able to accept the truth... priceless.... So what is the TRUTH. I will never know. Being lead on, given hope and promises... it is like a child being smoothered and coaxed. So nice. Time and again. Either my E.Q. is so damn "terok" or my interpretation of any means of communication is totally a failure. I think the main problem is Me. For a time so long that even I can't even remember, my way of thinking and deciphering "hidden codes" has been based on my so call intuition. Most of the time, it never failed on me. Other times, i think the rest are based on assumptions. Being educated in tertiary level teach us 1 thing. All assumptions are made to make the sum work..... unless proven otherwise.... Tell you frankly. This system sarks when it comes to life.
Facing problem alone is never easy. If there is someone out there that can hear and comprehend your plight. I think its the best consolation you can get. What you least need is someone to break down your Fort and peel off your flesh layer by layer. The hardest fact to accept is I am classified under the latter category. Wanting to pick myself up to make amendment from previous disaster I've caused was more than just a chore. Rather with much help from HIM "up there" , I thought I changed. Well at least a bit. Maybe its just my "pattern" or the image I portraited so deeply into other people's mind that whatever I said turn out to be lashes that whipped and tore the Flesh of the ONE in The Passion Of Christ. Think it is best that being caged up is the best solution to prevent any hurt and grief to be anyway available to this World. I think at least mentally. If physically, I'll be damned ............... Rather ... sometimes. I find being mute is best. Cos people mostly need listeners, reciprocation thereafter is secondary. Bottom line is a listening ear. Occasion feedback of body language is best combination.
Wonder why I'm so Farked up ..... hahahaha.. cos i am......
|| 9:47 AM
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