Thursday, April 28, 2005
HOT Thur Morning/SG/ unbearable heatwave
Have you ever wonder what roles you play in life? Thats quite a challenging question I think if posted to anyone or everyone. Guess most of them will just give you the blank look or brush it off with a shudder.
I have found mine some time ago. Further confirmed yet again. Mine is much like a catalyst in a chemical reaction. Hahahaha sounds funny? Many a times I've been revolving and self blaming why life sucks, this and that happens to me, life unfair ( Ouch ... Life is never FAIR .... WAKE UP) , blah blah blah ........ Suddenly it just occur to me that its my role. All the way has been like that and I just failed to acknowledge the fact. Hur Hur Hur. Stupid me. GOD, give me a sign! Sometimes when things get so over the brim, He helps me by emptying the glass over to his Ocean. I really glad that I came to know Him. Such that without Him, I don't know how I manage with a melancholic self manifesting every now and then. Then again the melancholic self comes in form of self denial, self piting, bottomless esteem, why-me kinda thinking....... blah blah blah.... Ultimately it affected my work, my life, my everything. I just have to know that its my role to play and play it well. My life will be in order. One thing I know about myself. I am good with following instructions. I was a good follower... never a good leader. Maybe it was meant to be. What my band life thought me when i was a leader? Hmmmmm more hyper sensitive, over reacting, think too deep into stuffs???? Hahahahah ... Oh man that was Eons ago. I still haven't gotten over it. I really outta get a life.
Jus now i went to Suntec to pay my citibank bills and send in repair for my dad's phone. After i pass the phone to my friend, I started to walk towards Raffles Link. Thats where the bank is located. I played the 4 songs in my faithful Nokia 6630........ slowly precipitation in form of liquid starts to accumulate near rims of my eye. Recently Li Sheng Jie and Lin Feng became my buddies, eh.... literally cos I've been listening to them almost everyday and everywhere. Kinda sad when they talk to me in a melodious way. The words ..... every phrase of it cuts deep into my already stigma-ed heart. After I repaid the bills, i walked back towards the bridge. As I was passing there, I recalled 1 month ago, my bike was parked beside it along with some1 closed to my heart waiting there for me. 1 month. Not 1 year..... I began to feel some monster in me trying to escape thru my throat.... Feels terrible. Nonetheless I use my remaining powers left in me and conquered it. Walking all the way back to the last tower. Suddenly I just walked into Carrefour and sat down on the demo digital pianos. I just started to play the songs that was with me for the past few weeks. Being rusty and stuff, it took me a while to pick up the strings again. (ehh due to limited chords, i try to transpose the octave ..... still sounds decent though) God i miss playing piano. Its not that expensive >S$2000 Kinda tempted into getting one using instalment.
Wait. HOLD ON! I have plans to go UK to work. So what if I buy all these and then what? hahahhahaha .... Working in UK is more of what I am thinking of more as the sun sets in the West everyday. A change in environment will be nice. I think to myself. Have frens over there that can take care of me (or kind of) For God sake I'm going to be 28. I can take care of myself ( at least I think I can) There is something I have learn over the last weekend. If you cannot love yourself properly, how are you suppose to love others? This phrase shall remain in my heart for long long time! Ok back to UK. Why UK, 1st is language, 2nd nice...... eh... i think so. Oh well.. more plans coming up. Waiting for updates. kekekeke
Dear bloggy, you've been so far my best channel of releasing everything I got ...... eh at least most of it. The day I really pen everything I feel down to you is the day i truly let go of everything. Think that the day will come very soon. very soon.
|| 2:28 AM
0 comments
