Friday, April 29, 2005
奇异恩典何等甘甜
我罪已得赦免
前我失散今被寻回
瞎眼今得看见
如此恩典使我敬畏
使我心得安慰
初信之时即蒙恩会
真是何等宝贵
当我感到痛苦悲伤时
你却不走留在我的身边
当我正要掉进深渊
你却把我救出
你带我给新的生命
无论如何只要我肯相信
奇迹一定会在我的眼前出现
i once was lost
but now i'm found was blind
but now i see amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
i once was lost
but now i'm found
瞎眼今得看见
瞎眼今得看见
|| 9:37 AM
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Thursday, April 28, 2005
HOT Thur Morning/SG/ unbearable heatwave
Have you ever wonder what roles you play in life? Thats quite a challenging question I think if posted to anyone or everyone. Guess most of them will just give you the blank look or brush it off with a shudder.
I have found mine some time ago. Further confirmed yet again. Mine is much like a catalyst in a chemical reaction. Hahahaha sounds funny? Many a times I've been revolving and self blaming why life sucks, this and that happens to me, life unfair ( Ouch ... Life is never FAIR .... WAKE UP) , blah blah blah ........ Suddenly it just occur to me that its my role. All the way has been like that and I just failed to acknowledge the fact. Hur Hur Hur. Stupid me. GOD, give me a sign! Sometimes when things get so over the brim, He helps me by emptying the glass over to his Ocean. I really glad that I came to know Him. Such that without Him, I don't know how I manage with a melancholic self manifesting every now and then. Then again the melancholic self comes in form of self denial, self piting, bottomless esteem, why-me kinda thinking....... blah blah blah.... Ultimately it affected my work, my life, my everything. I just have to know that its my role to play and play it well. My life will be in order. One thing I know about myself. I am good with following instructions. I was a good follower... never a good leader. Maybe it was meant to be. What my band life thought me when i was a leader? Hmmmmm more hyper sensitive, over reacting, think too deep into stuffs???? Hahahahah ... Oh man that was Eons ago. I still haven't gotten over it. I really outta get a life.
Jus now i went to Suntec to pay my citibank bills and send in repair for my dad's phone. After i pass the phone to my friend, I started to walk towards Raffles Link. Thats where the bank is located. I played the 4 songs in my faithful Nokia 6630........ slowly precipitation in form of liquid starts to accumulate near rims of my eye. Recently Li Sheng Jie and Lin Feng became my buddies, eh.... literally cos I've been listening to them almost everyday and everywhere. Kinda sad when they talk to me in a melodious way. The words ..... every phrase of it cuts deep into my already stigma-ed heart. After I repaid the bills, i walked back towards the bridge. As I was passing there, I recalled 1 month ago, my bike was parked beside it along with some1 closed to my heart waiting there for me. 1 month. Not 1 year..... I began to feel some monster in me trying to escape thru my throat.... Feels terrible. Nonetheless I use my remaining powers left in me and conquered it. Walking all the way back to the last tower. Suddenly I just walked into Carrefour and sat down on the demo digital pianos. I just started to play the songs that was with me for the past few weeks. Being rusty and stuff, it took me a while to pick up the strings again. (ehh due to limited chords, i try to transpose the octave ..... still sounds decent though) God i miss playing piano. Its not that expensive >S$2000 Kinda tempted into getting one using instalment.
Wait. HOLD ON! I have plans to go UK to work. So what if I buy all these and then what? hahahhahaha .... Working in UK is more of what I am thinking of more as the sun sets in the West everyday. A change in environment will be nice. I think to myself. Have frens over there that can take care of me (or kind of) For God sake I'm going to be 28. I can take care of myself ( at least I think I can) There is something I have learn over the last weekend. If you cannot love yourself properly, how are you suppose to love others? This phrase shall remain in my heart for long long time! Ok back to UK. Why UK, 1st is language, 2nd nice...... eh... i think so. Oh well.. more plans coming up. Waiting for updates. kekekeke
Dear bloggy, you've been so far my best channel of releasing everything I got ...... eh at least most of it. The day I really pen everything I feel down to you is the day i truly let go of everything. Think that the day will come very soon. very soon.
|| 2:28 AM
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Sunday, April 24, 2005
facing the world with an empty heart
i could disappear into the dark
but
you were the one who could always
make my dreams come true my dear it's
youwhen
you're not around my heart stood sti
llwithin you'
ll remain and always wi
ll ...
lllusions say there is another man
who would interfere into my plans
(我爱你)
i love
you(我爱你)
i need
youmore than i ever did to anyone
never felt like this before
(我爱你)
i want
you(我爱你)
i need
youwe could be two lovers from the past
and the future is our chance...
|| 11:12 PM
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Sat nite suppose to be fill with activites. There it was, 5 people with no life. Goes to punggol end beach to enjoy the supposingly "romantic atmosphere". After walking thru busy Mohd Sultan road looking at those dress-to-kills and CFM filled aura, decision to get some booze was finalized. Can't get into any clubs cos of some reasons. Anyway, moving off to the quite desolated pier was the last straw. Equiped with a straw mat, The 5 of them settled down. Each of them filled themselves with booze and tibits. Staring at the brightly moonlited night, enjoying the sea breeze... Guess thoughts and feelings ran throught the whole lot of them.. esp 1 individual. Oh well. There he was, playing songs from his phone. Only 4 songs .... pathetic... hahaha. All are songs of the same genre. SAD AND SLOW. hahahaha... After listening for a while.... got complained. Why all songs so sad one? hahaha... reply came along.... sad then sad lor. Nice songs .. just that its sad lor. After just a can of killkenny. Flushed, blur, high. That was fast. On the way home got roadblock. Shocked and worried but the police without looking just waved go. Woot thats gotta be the most luckiest moment. Hahahaha
Why is it so difficult?????? Dear bloggy. Its really sad and hard do you know it. To accept defeat and swallow everything. Why must it always be me who need to swallow everything? Guess I must have reasons. It will not be shown until the time is right. I'll just have to wait. ....... wait......
|| 1:52 PM
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Thursday, April 21, 2005
Looks does help in a lot of ways. Works, school, and most commonly, finding relationships. Its so much more easier. Those who are gifted in this area will never know how it feels like. NEVER!!! Chinese there is an old saying, half the effort double the result. This is the edge that many has over life. Smoother flow in whatever they do. Many have experienced it, rest only stand aside watching a fantasy being played in front of their very eyes and always say about how i wish this and wish that. Or worst if only i had his/her face, figure, etc ....... Get a grip! Come back to reality. There is no such thing as FAIR ! Lets face it. Years of hardwork can be destroyed overnite just in a snap of a finger. Just like tat. POOF!!!!
Hahahahahah Seen so many serials, so many real life examples. Its been happening around us. It has happened to many of us. Do not think everytime the starting of a show says all are purely fictional, in event of identical stuff is purely coincidental. Hahahahah if one has not been throught or heard about it, where is the inspiration? So many a times in a love story, the one that truely loves the lead actress most of the time is not the lead actor. Such irony. Most of the time there's this behind the scene fella, simple, no looks, unnoticed, carrying a torch for the gal, helping her all the way. Only to the end that a tall handsome prince come along and sweep the gal off her feet ........ galloping into the setting sun on a noble steed. Cool! Hunchback of Notre Dame? muahahahha eh... confusing with other story . Apologies.
Recently has been listening to this guy's song. 2 of his song really touched me DEEPLY. It goes like this...... enjoy it. For all those who went thru similar fate of being this simple, no looks, unnoticed, behind the scene fella. Cos U still will be a pillar of strength and support to whoever comes along. That shall be your task! Thats your mission.....
当这感觉未发生不知道你光临
我大概还可继续散心
无奈我的心
不经意着了灯为得不到的吸引
令我不纠缠亦不忍
当他手放在你身
才想到我是好友永远没权利去伤感
忘记受过伤害施舍最假的爱
也会令我肯相信这段感情避不开
忘记如何忍耐但期待一夜之间醒过来
我和你便已如恋人热爱
想想一世待你好不需要有出路
那是我唯一快乐其实期望未算高
不拥抱便跌倒付出的都不苦恼
被爱的当然未知道
好即使我未够好
连哭一声都不配你便提示我怎做
忘记受过伤害施舍最假的爱
也会令我肯相信这段感情避不开
忘记如何忍耐但期待一夜之间醒过来
我和你便已如恋人热爱
|| 6:46 PM
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I guess you'll be my closest blossom fren from now on. The fact that you were borned from the idea that the one I once loved for 5 years, and improved by the other one that i liked for few weeks. You are the fusion of whatever that is left of both girls that were close to my heart. U will be the one that will ultimately stay on with me throught out as long as there is a virtual world.
Tsunami creates wave, diamonds formed from carbon. The main difference of both events? One sweeps you off your feet and leaves a mark in the heart of those who loved u. The other one takes millions of years to form and it leaves a mark in heart of those whom you love. Guess it sounds kinda crappy. Just a metaphor drawn to illustrate what is being thought about both parties that chance upon thee. Maybe its not a good illustration. Just being crappy or rather some people might refering as trying too hard.
Nonetheless blogging has becoming more of a regular event. At least it served as a channel to vent some feelings. Expect more blogging to be updated on a more regular basis. Nite nite dear bloggy
|| 12:52 AM
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Monday, April 18, 2005
Last nite, went to pub in Mdm Sultan had a couple of drinks with my Buddies. Total 5 of us. Long time since we had such a fun time. Talking about recent happenings and irritating each other as well as make fun. So high that i send messenges that didn't seem to be appealing to the eye. Muahahha. Guess when you are high you can just do anything u think about without thinking of the consequences. Hahahah. After that, I took a cab back.
This morning I woke up, feeling so lazed, not knowing what to do. Have to pick myself up to go retrieve my bike. I was so empty and bored that I took the MRT from Serangoon to Dhoby Ghaut and change to orchard. Alighted there and walked. Kinda long time since I've taken the walk down Orchard............... alone...... All the way to Plaza Singapura. So happens that my former collegue cum buddy was there. I joined them for a chat. After that i went to take my baby back. Think right now she is the ONLY 1 that I trust. Black, shiny and big...... After recents episodes, i guess there is absolutely no one that I should trust anymore. Hurts and lies. All of them. I see more than I should and yet smokes me in the face. I only can act blur. Thats what i do best. Histories does repeat itself. Oh well guess its my destiny. Accept it and maybe I just can live a better life. Putting my heart in seclusion. SHUT off from this mundane world. ....... ...... ......
|| 2:59 AM
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Thursday, April 14, 2005
loneliness your silent whisper
fills a river of tears through the night
memory you never let me cry
and you, you never said goodbye
sometimes our tears blinded the love
we lost our dreams along the way
but i never thought you'd trade your soul to the fate
never thought you'd leave me alone
time through the rain has set me free
sands of time will keep your memory
love ever lasting fades away
alive within your beatless heart
dry your tears with love
dry your tears with love
This song came into my life about 10 years ago. So nice, clean and clear. Recently, it brought me a sweet memory. Through this song, it came a sweet short story. So short that it ended abruptly. Sweet that it realised a feeling that one has longed and hoped for many years. There is an old saying that good things don't last. Guess it fits the bill perfectly. This is life.
|| 9:30 AM
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你我世缘
曾经插间
我曾欢喜
我经优虑
时光虽短
情却长醇
转眼数周
去已难留
六月飘雪
赤白大地
鱼掌难兼
情痕难留
|| 1:03 AM
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005
1st Part sounds reasonable and apt. Those who went throught that outta know what I'm saying. 2nd part maybe will turn towards more of pestering and even stalking. It ultimately takes 2 to clap.
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone that means alot to you, only to find out in the end , that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.
Never say goodbye when you still want to try , never give up when you still feel you can take it, never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go.
|| 1:23 AM
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Monday, April 11, 2005
沧海一声笑滔滔两岸潮
浮沉随浪只记今朝
苍天笑纷纷世上潮
谁负谁胜出天知晓
江山笑烟雨遥
涛浪淘尽红尘俗事几多骄
清风笑竟惹寂寥
豪情还剩了一襟晚照
沧海一声笑
滔滔两岸潮浮沉
随浪只记今朝
苍天笑纷纷世上潮
谁负谁胜出天知晓
江山笑烟雨遥
涛浪淘尽红尘俗事几多骄
苍生笑不再寂寥
豪情仍在痴痴笑笑
啦......
set View/Encoding/Unicode (UTF-8)
|| 11:54 PM
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29 Mar 2005, Tue, Rainy, In France Paris, 7.15pm
Today we visited Chapel of Notre Dame. It's a Grand building. Nice scenery once again. Ciprian (HP's fren) ask me to crash their French lesson in Red Cross. She said she stopped the course she had earlier because the course fee was expensive. Now she's taking this free course here. The teacher is a very nice lady. Not only did she let me sit in the class, she even photostated a set of notes for me. They are now blabbering all in French that I don't even catch even a hair of what is happening. Sounds nice nonetheless. I think they are going at a rate that Huiping can't follow at all. Personally, I think learning French is so much more difficult than Japanese. Besides yes, no and thank you. Think that's about it. Now besides reciting, they are also writing words on the whiteboard. Words that is uses normal English language means nuts to me. (Think it applies to all that reads English. Tsk Tsk). Language! Is the biggest barrier I've encountered for this UK/Paris trip.
Weird as it is that I've got time to write, in paper. Think that I am quite addicted to writing blog. So far, I'm still able to write better than I speak. My trip so far in Paris has been nice. COOL. Not as cold as in UK. So much to see and learn about the culture. Only thing I can do is smile. Hahahahahahahah. I think last week in UK is like going for a faraway chalet. With transport and lodging, even food provided. I'm so blessed and touched by my friend Agnes & Paul for hosting me.
When I touched down Paris Orly-Charles De Gaulle Airport, I was anticipating Huiping there at the arrival Hall. Then again, there was a change in time the night before at 2am. Daylight saving + 1 hour. I was thinking that she must have forgotten or something. Also, I've guessed that she will turn up with a guy. I'm right. After about 2 hours of waiting, finally the scene in my mind came to past.
France Paris is a beautiful place, less the language that is so difficult to grasp. Living here
will definitely be a super big problem to me. Right now the temperature is cool enough. Visiting places is good except for the overcasted sky that looms over the beautiful things I've come across. Right now I am living with Huiping in an apartment just in the outskirts of Paris city centre.
|| 12:48 AM
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